“Children learn what they live.”
— Dorothy Law Nolte
Someone sent me a picture of a ten-year-old girl dressed in a way that made her look much older. I understand how excited parents can be about a child’s birthday, especially when it is their first child. They want the pictures, the party, the beautiful clothes, the moment everyone will remember. But I couldn’t help asking myself: when does celebrating a child turn into dressing her as though she were already an adult?
It made me think about the things parents pray for. A mother may worry that her daughter is coming home late, spending all her time with a boyfriend, or making choices that frighten her. But children learn from what they see around them. We can’t expect them to know more than we have shown them. Sometimes we pass along habits without meaning to. We call it our lifestyle, our fun, or our way of celebrating—and the children absorb it as normal.
Make it make sense.
My own parents did not raise me to think that growing up meant copying every adult thing I saw. Decency was part of what I learned from my religion and my culture. I try to teach my children by explaining why I make certain choices, but I also know that my actions have to match my words.
One day, I wore something very short inside the house. My husband was around, and I was near the door when one of my boys looked at me and said, “Mommy, you’re half naked. Go change. Wear something longer.”
I nearly fell off the couch laughing. But underneath the laughter, I felt glad. He had noticed a boundary I had tried to teach him—not because I had repeated a rule endlessly, but because he had watched me live by it.
That is what children do. They notice what we wear, how we speak, what we celebrate, and what we excuse. A parent cannot control every choice a child will make, but we can give them examples worth carrying with them. Scripture says to train up a child in the way he should go. For me, that training is not only in what I say. It is in what I practice.
So yes, celebrate the birthday. Make the cake. Take the pictures. Let the child feel loved. But we should still ask ourselves what our choices are teaching. We can pray for our children and do the work of being the example they can follow.
By Joan Roberts
