Whenever something unexpected happens to you, pause.
Before you make a telephone call, send a message, confront anyone, post on social media, or make a permanent decision, sit still and take a deep breath.
Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. As you breathe in, your diaphragm contracts and moves downward, allowing your lungs to expand. As you breathe out, it relaxes and moves upward. Continue slowly until your racing thoughts begin to settle.
It does not matter what the news is.
Your girlfriend may have told you that she is pregnant—and you already have a wife.
Perhaps you are single, but you are nowhere near ready to become a parent.
You may have lost your job without warning and without another one waiting for you.
Your husband or wife may have asked for a divorce.
You may have lost a child or a parent.
A doctor may have told you that you could eventually need a wheelchair.
Someone may have broken into your home.
You may have lost custody of your children.
Whatever has happened, do not allow the first few minutes of shock to make decisions for the rest of your life.
The First Few Minutes Matter
I have learned something painful about myself. Whenever I react immediately, it often takes only five or ten minutes for me to regain my senses. Then I regret what I said, what I did, or whom I told.
Five minutes can make an enormous difference.
Do not surrender your future to the first five minutes of fear, anger, humiliation, or despair.
Pause.
Breathe.
Pray.
Cry if you need to cry. Cry genuinely. Scream into a pillow if you must. Sit quietly until the first wave passes.
Crying may release some of the pressure, but condemning yourself will not reverse what happened. Repeatedly telling yourself that your life is over will only make a painful situation heavier.
Give your mind time to move from shock to thought.
You do not have to answer every question immediately. You do not have to explain yourself to everyone. You do not have to decide the rest of your life today.
Remain Still for a Moment
Find a quiet place and remain silent for a few minutes.
That does not mean you must isolate yourself for days. It means creating a small space between the news you received and your response to it.
You may be surprised by what that brief pause prevents you from doing.
Many permanent actions are taken during temporary moments of shock. A pause can prevent an angry confrontation, a damaging message, a reckless decision, or an act that cannot be reversed.
What you do immediately after receiving painful news can change a great deal.
Breathe before you speak.
Pray before you react.
Wait before you announce.
Think before you decide.
You have survived difficult seasons before. You can survive this moment too.
You do not need enough strength for the next ten years today. You need enough strength for this breath—and then the next one.
The situation may still be painful when you open your eyes, but you will be calmer and better prepared to face it.
Sometimes the wisest first response is simply this:
Pause. Breathe. Pray. Be still.
Then, when your mind has settled, pick up a pen and ask yourself the question..,
